This is called 'Detour', wrote it about an hour ago.
Living
pill to pill, hand to mouth.
Just
trying to feel half-decent in the now.
More
pills than I count, more names than I can recall,
I
have wanted nothing more than to ditch them all.
I
had one year of feeling normal with little medication.
Being
happy, finally finding results to my supplication.
At
age eighteen in my senior year.
It
all felt right, it all seemed clear.
Happy
to be myself in situations that used to scare,
Left
emotional hell and never thought I'd be back there.
It
refused to last, it refused to stick.
I
was back to rock bottom far too quick.
If
you're asking me, it's just not worth the toil.
Fighting
eight years of hell just for one that doesn't spoil.
I
have my ups and I have my downs,
Why
can't I just figure this shit out?
I'd
say I'm coasting but that would imply progression,
I'd
say I'm spinning my wheels but I'm stuck with depression,
Another
year has come and gone,
There's
little that has been improved upon.
I
say I'm all right when there's a smile to don,
I
say it's all right when I'm all wrong.
What
feelings are real, it's getting hard to tell.
Which
smiles are real and which ones do I sell?
Force
a laugh, force a smile.
Keeping
up my facade all the while.
You
ask me how I am, I say I'm okay
I
could be better if I could find my way,
The
truth is that I've seen better days.
Saying
I'm fine is just easier to say.
Primary inspiration came from a really well crafted video on youtube called 'Perfect Stranger' which pairs up Lightning and Fang from FFXIII-- the important part is it's awesome and the song Cells by The Servant struck me and gave me an internal rhythm to put my words to paper, so to speak.
You can watch Perfect Stranger here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJ7kAz-PFNs
